if you like me you must not know who I am
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
