I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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