fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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