i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
