A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
