Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Found the puke drawer
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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