You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
