hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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