too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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