I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
