I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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