I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
