Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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