my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
