Where is the hickey?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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