i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
