he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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