ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Randomize
