so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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