i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
