took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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