my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
