Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize