I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
