Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
sex in a hospital.. check
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
