she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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