Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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