So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
