so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
