you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
