you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
