so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
