You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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