Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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