Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
