I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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