it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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