Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
3pm strippers are depressing
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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