Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
