I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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