Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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