Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
