3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
is wine microwaveable?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
