He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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