ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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