Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
