don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
