I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
