her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
