I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
