Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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