So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
