he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
