I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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