Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
