there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Are we still banned from the library?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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