I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
