After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm always down for nudity.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
