You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
