THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Floor bacon is actually really good
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
