It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
