Christians are straight up FREAKS
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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