No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
