We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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