just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
