how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
