how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
