yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
